Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
