dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
