Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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