I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
