Sry I called you an 8
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
