K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
