Just cropdusted the office
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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