Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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