my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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