I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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