Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
