atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
