How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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