I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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