umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
