this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
