If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
