so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
