Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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