All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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