I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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