Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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