Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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