I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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