that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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