Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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