is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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