Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
