What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
