You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
