i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
