last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
