well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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