and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
