After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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