I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
