thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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