i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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