Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
