I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
