I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm too high and old for this...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
