she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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