mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
