Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
