She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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