you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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