it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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