Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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