Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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