the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
