If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
