just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
