I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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