I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
