youre lurking in front of me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
