mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
