And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
