Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
