he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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