so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
