hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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