I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
