So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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