Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
