The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
