You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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