When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
