Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
