Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
